Kids! Can't live with them, can't swap them for a Holden Statesman. That's what they say at least ... or something like that.

Mostly though, kids are a welcome addition to any home and offer their parents an opportunity to live their otherwise dull and uneventful lives through their kiddie's achievements. In return children can expect to be fed, dressed and educated commensurate to the degree of reflected glory that they pass on to their parents.

Clothing is a particularly important factor in a child's development and a badly dressed child will reflect poorly on their parents. These children are often ostracised in the playground and made to stand at the end of the back row when the class photos are taken. They're always the last to be chosen in any team and are usually made to sit at the front of the bus with the teacher on school excursions.

By contrast, well dressed children tend to be more popular and popular children tend to worry less and therefore have more time to apply themselves to their studies, thereby paving the way for a financially rewarding career, an ostentatious lifestyle and a big house with a granny flat underneath in which to install their old mum and dad as a way of saying 'thanks' for the nice frock or printed T-shirt that precipitated this fortuitous cycle. The parents of badly dressed children can, on the other hand, usually look forward to early retirement into a state run nursing home with a diet of pet food and boiled vegetables and a threadbare nylon blanket to keep them warm in winter.

But hey, don't blame us. Afterall, we didn't create the problem, just the solution.